Now you see it now you Don't
by PrettyDreamer77
Summary: This is in response to SilverstarWizard's Challenge, Jareth Loses his most precious assets lotsa larfs and some sexual mention
1. Default Chapter Title

Howdy y'all this is my first ever fic it's not a serious fic it is in response to a challenge posted by silverstarwizard which you can't see because writers university doesn't exist I am posting it in two parts because I'm lazy and don't flame me because my spelling and grammar suck because I already know that I get told that by my teachers on a daily basis it's rated PG-13 because the second part will be rated that and I don't want anyone reading this and then not being able to read the next part because they can't read PG-13 fics (actually I know that more people will read it if it's PG-13)   
  
Umm…. Well don't own Labyrinth never will don't sue me and that's about it ENJOY THE STORY! (PleaseJ)  
  
  
  
Now you see it Now you Don't  
  
"Due to a cold front coming through it will be kinda windy tonight but nothing to really worry about." Linda listened to the weather report as she threw on her coat and scarf.  
"Oh boy it's gonna be colder, like we need that!" She rolled her eyes telling her friend the weather report as she shut the TV off, "It's also going to be windy, will that pose a problem for the campfire?"  
"I don't think so," shouted Izzy from the closet where she was attempting to find one of her mittens which had decided to cease existing, " anyways, the kid's are so excited I doubt that Karen will cancel it if there was a hurricane!" Karen was the director of the after school program that Izzy and Linda volunteered at, they were getting ready to go to a midwinter campfire which would consist of singing, marshmallow toasting, and hot apple cider.  
Izzy and Linda bolted out the door realizing that they were running late, they usually were running late, being best friends and roommates didn't help the situation since they were highly prone to get distracted.  
"It's a good thing it is windy it will counteract the pain that David Bowie will have to go through during the campfire," Izzy joked with a smirk.  
"DBA, DBA, DBA!!!!!!!!!! Is that all you think about?!" shouted a very exasperated Linda, "you don't even like David Bowie's music particularly I don't see why you are so swept up in his crotch!"  
"It's not really David Bowie…" said Izzy sheepishly (Authors Note: Baaaaah (oh sorry don't know what came over me continue)) "it's Jareth's crotch but the theory applies to David Bowie, since Jareth doesn't really exist." Izzy shivered she hated saying that Jareth didn't exist she didn't really believe it, logically you cannot prove that something doesn't exist only that it does and no proof that something does exist doesn't necessarily mean that it doesn't exist.   
"You need a more healthy obsession than that silly kids movie, you should fine one like mine.'   
"What? Antonio Banderas? Why do you like him anyway?"   
"WHY?! Well, obviously because he's hot, HE EXISTS and he has an accent, that's two over Jareth."  
"Jareth has an accent."  
"Jareth isn't hot."  
"Oh will you STOP IT! We're her now anyway let's get going."  
The sing along was going relatively well, there wass no wind to bother the fire and, they had gotten through "Kumbaya", "A Little Help From my Friends", and were just starting "La Bamba" when who should appear but Jareth.  
Of course no one knew it was Jareth except for Izzy until he introduced himself, "I'm Jareth, Goblin King And I don't usually start conversations like this but I need to know who here believes on the DBA."  
Everyone was silent, Izzy would have answered but she was to full of shock to even move.  
"Look please I REALLY need to know!" The Goblin King appeared to be going hysterical (which I know is really hard to picture but he was trust me.)  
Izzy shyly stepped forward "I don't really believe in it but I'm sure I recognize what it is better than anyone else here.  
"Fine then it must be you that I'm looking for," relief was starting to spread over Jareths face, "Look I'm going to have to explain this to you because you are a daft little human like all humans are, I exist because people believe in me if people were to cease believing in me I would cease to exist. I personally happen to be a rather well of fantastical character in that sense since many people believe in me. Now the problem started a few years ago when this whole DBA theory started, you have told me you know what it is and so to save time and not shock the children I will not explain it. Sometimes this theory has been a blessing but sometimes, like now I am in great pain, the only thing you can do is to stop believing in the DBA please, PLEASE can you do that?!"  
Izzy concentrated really hard but it was difficult for her to stop believing in something that was obviously true, this was apparent since at this point Jareth had crossed his legs and was hopping up and down.  
"Please…What is your name?"  
"Izzy."  
"Izzy please I'll give you your dreams Izzy if you would just stop believing."  
Izzy tried one last time and then she heard a thud. She looked down on the ground and there was Jareth clutching what should have been his crotch but what was apparently nothing.  
"Izzy," rasped Jareth, "What did you do?"  
  
TBC  
  
Authors Note: Okay so as I said this is in response to a challenge by SilverstarWizard so far the parts of the challenge I've used are a knowledge of the DBA, a weather report and a Beatles song (actually I will put another Beatles song in Later) I would give you the link to the DBA sight but I lost it and of course when I finally get pulled together enough to post Writers University gets shut down and you can't go see the original challenge which has the link there IF I GET ENOUGH POSITIVE REVIEWS I WILL CONTINUE  



	2. Part 2

Authors note: Okay so this is the second part Umm sorry I reviewed the first part for a full explanation read my story "Take a Walk" anyway this will continue where the first part left off. Sorry it took so long to put up  
  
Disclaimer: despite what the voices in my head say Labyrinth doesn't belong to me so If you plan on suing me talk to the voices and not to me thank you and may your first child be an earthworm  
~~Now You see it Now you Don't Part 2~~  
  
"What did I do?" asked an extremely confused and slightly desperate Izzy.  
"Look, Izzy this is rather touchy take me Back to your house I'll explain there."  
"WAIT A MINUTE! NO Way NO how am I having a freaky weirdo Goblin King Coming into a house that is partly mine!" Announced Linda  
"Please...Linda..You will be repaid..." said Jareth very faintly from the semi fetal position he was in on the ground   
"Oh I will, will I? Trust me you are the last person who I would want to be repaid by!" Said Linda rolling her eyes.  
"YOU PERVERTED FREAK I THINK HE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE IN SOME STATE OF PAIN!" Screamed Izzy  
All the children and other counselors who had during this whole event been staring at them in a state of confusion looked aghast at Izzy, she had never been one to exert herself so this did not go under her usual behavior.  
"Okay fine," said Linda shuffling her feet we can take him home but we can't keep him!"  
Izzy rolled her eyes and took his head, Linda took his feet and they carried him that way all the way back to their apartment.  
"So where should we put him?" asked Linda as they walked in the door.  
"Excuse me," said Jareth faintly, "I may not be in a very imposing state at the moment but it would be greatly appreciated if you didn't refer to me as if I weren't here. I would also greatly appreciate it if I could have some say in where I will be 'put', a sofa would be nice."  
Izzy rushed to the sofa while still holding Jareth's head, Linda was less overwhelmed and strolled rather slowly, due to the varying speeds at which they were heading to the sofa it was a matter of seconds before Jareth fell to the floor.   
"It is really beginning to become a very bad day..." groaned Jareth  
"I'm sorry your highness," squealed Izzy tugging him to the couch and propping him up.  
Linda stoop watching Izzy shaking her head, "I really don't understand your behavior, you know, this guy comes out of nowhere and you just fall all over him doing his every command what is up with you?" Before Izzy could answer a light appeared in Linda's eyes, "wait I know! You want to get laid Of Course that is the only logical explanation!  
"Excuse me may I possibly put in my two cents here? Even if she was doing all this to get laid it would be impossible," croaked Jareth, "that happens to be my problem, I have nothing to "lay" her with apparently instead of ceasing top believe in the DBA she has ceased to believe in my "area" all together!"  
"Whoa, whoa, lemme get this straight you have no arrrrm... well you know..."   
"Well Linda I'm glad to see that you have some extent of intelligence in that little head of yours."  
"Well I guess this is proof that guys don't think with their crotch, since you don't happen to have one."   
"This is STUPID! Isn't the main point of all this to get Jareth's "area" back not to fling abuse at each other!" yelled Izzy.  
"Ahhhhhh... But I was having so much fun," scowled Linda. (Authors Note: (mind you this comment is dripping with sarcasm) ahh yes that's my favorite pastime teasing goblin kings about their missing crotches)   
"I on the other hand wasn't," said Jareth, his voice yet again going faint, "Now look if I am ever to get my "assets" back I need Izzy to truly start thinking about and believing in my crotch again."   
"Oh well then we have our work cut out for us, Izzy wouldn't get near an actual thought of a crotch with a ten foot pole."  
"Is that true Izzy?"  
Izzy nodded bashfully.  
"Oh dear dear dear..." said Jareth shaking his head, "We do have are work cut out for us. Linda be a good little human, and get things that might make Izzy think about my crotch."  
"Okey dokey Kingy Wingy!" said Linda going off  
"Izzy that friend of yours is really starting to get on my nerves!"  
"You'll get used to her."  
"I have no intention of getting used to her." said Jareth, then under his breath muttered, "you on the other hand might be wroth getting to know a little better."  
"What was that?"  
"What was what? I certainly didn't say anything, your ears must be playing tricks on you." OH Look here comes your little friend."  
"Okay your great Goblin Poobah, it's Izzy's Collection of her Jareth pictures, half of them have you in white tights, it seemed the logical choice in this situation."  
Izzy Sat there flipping through the pictures for half an hour with no apparent change.  
"Look this isn't working! I think that I've just believed that the only logical reason it could be that big was that it was stuffed," said Izzy meekly   
"You have harmed my pride Izzy, I'm not pleased" Said Jareth with as much umff has he could muster in the situation.   
"Okay I'll go look for more stuff to turn Izzy on," said Linda running off.   
This ordeal went on long into the night, Linda would bring something Izzy would ponder it and Jareth would go in and out of consciousness. Eventually Linda was very tired and was starting to lose momentum and interest.  
"What, may I ask is that?" asked Jareth, looking at the newest object Linda had brought in for Izzy to ponder.  
"It's a butter dish."  
"A BUTTER DISH?!?!?!?!"  
"Well it's a SEXY butter dish!"  
"My god, this is pointless I will go look for something to fix this."  
Linda sat down next to Izzy and watched as Jareth hobbled off to find something in the house.  
After ten minutes, which felt like much longer since all they had to do was look at the digital clock, Izzy and Linda decided to go see what exactly Jareth was up to. They walked into the kitchen just in time to see him stick a banana down his pants.  
"WAIT! That's mine! But you can have it if you want it," yelled Linda, "damn I wanted that for breakfast!"  
"Anyways," giggled Izzy, "a mango would be more bulge like."  
"What are you talking about..." asked Jareth turning around to look Izzy in the eyes.  
"Well erm only if you were well, attracted to someone, would a banana seem an argh appropriate cough replacment"  
"And who said I wasn't attracted to someone?" said Jareth getting very close to Izzy, just close enough so the Banana was touching her (author comment: damn is that me or does that sound really dirty?)  
Suddenly the banana popped out of his tights and went flying far across the kitchen landing on the stove.  
"AH the wits of a king can over come all obstacles." Said Jareth smiling and striding out of the kitchen.  
"Hey, hey wait one second," said Linda staring at Jareth's newly returned crotch and licking her lips, "you said I would be rewarded for helping."  
"Ah yes Linda," said Jareth smiling a pulling a bauble out of nowhere, "here take this it will show you your dreams, or a porno movie if there happens to be a difference," Jareth explained muttering the last part under his breath. He trusted the bauble at her, forcing her on to the couch where she was hypnotized by whatever magic was emanating from it.  
"Hey, you didn't even give her choice like you did in the movie!" shouted Izzy, very miffed at losing her best friend to a crystal ball, "that's not fair."  
"What is you basis for comparison? I hate to say this Izzy but you walked right into that." At this point Jareth was walking Izzy into the gigantic ceiling to floor windows, which hadn't previously been there.  
"Oh God," groaned Izzy rolling her eyes, "your right, I did," she was still somehow oblivious to the fact that she was being seduced, even stranger she was unaware that she was now walking right into the Goblin King's bed chambers.  
Suddenly Izzy realized her surroundings, there was a large difference between the cheaply furnished cramped third floor apartment and the highly spacious stone room with an intricately engraved for poster canopy bed as it's center piece.   
"Wait! But how? But why?" At this point she was being cornered onto the bed and Jareth was starting to play with her hair.  
"Oh come on Izzy, you have dirtier mind than you'd like people to think, if the only way you could start believing in my area again was to picture it as a mango." Jareth smiled as Izzy was forced onto the bed completely, "So I know you must realize what's going on," Jareth's grin became larger and Izzy couldn't help grinning to. 


End file.
